Contentment

Do you crave direction or some sort of goal regardless if it creates/adds more stress to your life?

Maybe its a personality characteristic or something in all of us that creates this need to strive for more or have some sort of thing accomplished.

We get married, we have children, we buy a house, and then we need to have that next perfect job or next perfect car.... always something more.

Are we content to just "be"?

I have a feeling it could be generational. My grandparents have been just "being" for years now. They are content to live in the house they are in, content with the things they have, the relationships they maintain. They are happy, content people. I think their belief in God enables them to be that way...

When we depend so much on ourselves, we're never good enough. We need to lose weight, get smarter, spend more (or less)... we're always perfecting.

Can we be content to be who we are?

Personally, this is a huge struggle for me. If I'm not moving forward in some way, I feel like I'm failing. Obviously, some of this is healthy and good and we are meant to strive for things but taken to the extreme, we can make ourselves miserable.

Maybe when our focus is purely on ourselves is when this happens.

If we look at life as living to serve others and God, we will be happy.

That boring job becomes a way to show coworkers/clients/bosses kindness and love. The small cramped apartment becomes a home and not an place to be upgraded. The everyday daily annoyances of life reveal to us our weakness. When we look outside of ourselves, we see that there is much more room to strive towards things that will truly make a difference

All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast. Proverbs 15:15

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Phil 4:11

 Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.

Mother Teresa


 


I think for all of us, especially mothers, this needs to start at HOME. 

Our closest relationships, our spouses and children, should be full of LOVE, gentleness, forgiveness and respect. By modeling this for our children, they will turn around and love those around them. That is TRULY making a difference.

If our homes are not respectful, loving places to be, how can we reflect love to others? How can we teach our children to be content and grateful for what they have without being content ourselves?

Assurance

Assurance...... 

some random thoughts.

{Motherhood can be lonely.}

Maybe you have a child before anyone you know does and your friendships drift away from you.
Or you all have babies and are too busy to make time for one another - not by choice but by necessity.
Working moms, stay at home moms...both have so much to do that its difficult to find time to talk and share. Sometimes, I feel so out of the loop when catching up with old friends or talking to coworkers or anyone for that matter. Sure, I look like I might know what I'm talking about, but I actually have no idea. I'm struggling for words.

 I'm struggling for words. 

I've felt a lot of grief in the past week. I should be the happiest, most cheerful person in the whole entire  world considered what I've been blessed with but it's been difficult to be joyful recently. I've wanted to cry every day for no one reason that I can pinpoint at the time,

It's really not that "motherhood" so to speak is lonely in and of itself. It's actually full of company - children are incredibly loving and giving and boisterous. Its the loss or pausing of other relationships. Every once and again when you're reminded of what it was like to be able to just do, just go, just be spontaneous without worrying about whether or you not you've got diapers and wipes and sippy cups and snacks and making sure he/she is fed, happy and smiling.

Really though,
 Fed, happy and smiling is a much bigger joy than shopping by yourself in the end. It's just much more vulnerable. You've got more to lose.

I'm thinking about my little nephew who passed away last year. His 1st birthday would have been in a week or so. It hurts. His little life was so precious and the fact that we're mourning him now is a constant reminder that life is short and fleeting. There really are no words. Knowing that he is safe in God's arms is my only comfort.

Heidelberg Catechism Question 1.

Q. What is your only comfort

   in life and in death?

A. That I am not my own,^1
but belong—
body and soul,
in life and in death—^2
to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.^3

He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood,^4
and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil.^5
He also watches over me in such a way^6
that not a hair can fall from my head
without the will of my Father in heaven:^7
in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.^8

Because I belong to him,
Christ, by his Holy Spirit,
assures me of eternal life^9
and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready
from now on to live for him.^10

If I didn't have this comfort, I'm not sure I could handle the uncertainties of life. 

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending.


There are a few advantages to taking the journey into the shadow of death.  One is that you can appreciate the light more deeply than ever before. - Mom4Life


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On another note..

We've been going to a new church. http://burlingtonvineyard.org/
We really enjoy it so far. It's very small, maybe 20 people or so. It started a little while back and its been slow growing. The people are open, honest, friendly and loving. Most of them are our age with young children. This past Sunday, we met at one of the families' houses and sang and had more of a Bible study format than what people would consider "church". The open sharing and talking about how God has worked in lives as well as how we've struggled was refreshing to say the least. Looking forward to going to church on Sundays - being thirsty for more- has been something thats been missing for me for a while. I respect and love the church we had been going to but I feel that there are boundaries (imagined or not) that keep people apart there or from sharing their struggles. I know that I'm partly responsible for the feeling I'm talking about but hubby and I both felt that we needed a fresh start. We needed something separate from where my family has gone since my grandparents moved to Vermont. When you've been somewhere your whole life, its hard to step away from old feelings/old issues/etc.

I just feel that this church is truly living and breathing and OPEN to anyone. It's a community in every sense of the word and that is the one thing we've really been missing since moving back to VT. I'm happy and excited for what's to come.



Big sigh. I needed to type that all out.

Personality Flaws

No one really tells you about your personality flaws. Your husband or best friend might mention something jokingly or in a little fight but usually, these comments are over looked as "just kidding" or spiteful. At least for me, no one comes right out and says , "Sarah, you really need to change this or that".

The past two days have been like a slap in the face from my inner conscience.Two major events that both me a lot have been lingering in my mind. God is trying to tell me something.

Scenario 1: At work, coworkers (both of whom I disagree with on many issues) who I'd like to get to know better and talk with are chatting away about something to do with doctors not knowing anything. I pipe up immediately because (as you may have noticed) I tend to agree with the statement that many doctors overstep their authority and offer advice which really should be a referral or pressure you into making uninformed decisions based on their degree.  I go into a very personal and way too detailed account of my eating issues in high school and how my doctor told me it was just a phase.

I mentioned all of this casually, flippantly, almost and realized as soon as I told these people whom I barely know but will have to see every single week about an incredibly personal issue in detail, that, I shouldn't have.

Why do I blab personal information to random people that I barely know?! This blog is an exception, I believe because 1) it's an outlet for me. and 2) you are choosing to read it. My comments to my coworkers were like watching an unfortunate person throw up... you didn't choose to and you feel very ill at the sight of it. I'm pretty sure they didn't want to know about my personal history re:ED and it added little to the conversation.

My dad once took me by the shoulders and said " Sarah, you need to THINK before you SPEAK". I will always remember that because it gets to the core of my dysfunction most of the time.

Scenario #2 - More about speaking. I wanted to go into counseling since I was in high school...partly because I truly care about and want to help people and because I love reading/listening to people's life stories. I thought, "I'm good at talking and bringing out people's thoughts...what a good career choice".

What I need to learn is how to LISTEN. I believe that a lot of the time I CAN be great at listening to others but I am always perpetually holding back from offering advice or solutions and that really is not conducive to good listening.

Today, Noah and I were at Walmart. (Ugh.......I always end up there when I have a multitude of random things to buy...) and were in the baby section. A lovely new mom and baby were shopping and she stopped to say hi to Noah... we were ooing over her baby and she was telling me how old, etc. We had a short convo about sleep and lack there of  and then I left.

After I walked away, I realized. She wanted to talk to me. I wasn't really listening to her. She probably needed to talk to another mom and vent or commiserate or just chat and I totally just ignored the need she was presenting. Christ would not have done that. He would have forgotten about the tasks at hand and slowed down and LISTENED. I should have listened or invited her on a coffee/playdate.

I just feel this incredible guilt because I could sense that there was a need there and I didn't try to meet it.

How do I become more AWARE of those around me and their needs and not so into my own? I'm praying about this this week and trying to forget myself. I feel this HUGE calling to be encouraging and helpful to new moms/moms to be. There are many times where I know I've just walked away from that....instead of taking the time to be a more thoughtful person.