Here I am once again. 28.5 weeks pregnant. sitting in the space of distant disbelief that labor (and a child) is coming while feeling the obvious discomfort of 3rd trimester pregnancy.
Yes, we are expecting our third little one. well, really, our fourth.
I think its taken me so long to write here about this pregnancy because it's almost like if I started to write, I would be forgetting the one that came before it. In November, we conceived. I was incredibly thrilled. It was fall, and beautiful. For 4 weeks, we held in our excitement, trying to refrain from telling everyone we knew. This baby felt full of hope and happiness. We just had moved into our new place in southern NH, started to get grounded and it felt like the perfect event to christen our move. I never expected to lose this little one.
Early in the morning on December 3rd (Noah's birthday), I woke up in the dark feeling cramps and warmth. Immediately, my stomach lurched and I ran to the bathroom. Sitting there, watching the redness swirl, tears stinging my cheeks, it wasn't a question. I knew I had lost the baby. The irony of welcoming a baby 5 years prior and losing one the same day felt cruel.
Even though we knew each other for a short time, the grief I felt shook me more than I can explain. The miscarriage was painful. It felt rushed as if it were shoved under the rug. It was Noah's birthday. I couldn't let it out. I cried in the kitchen when the kids weren't looking. Every trip to the bathroom, I wondered if that was the time my baby was flushed down the toilet. I confided in a few friends. Just knowing that others knew helped. Bryan cried with me when I woke up in the middle of the night reliving the intensity of that two days of "labor". Laboring to let go is something I hadn't stopped to consider before.
As the days went on, the space in my chest felt hollow and numb. I was aching for this little one. Intuitively, the strong sense was there that this baby was a little boy. It's almost as if his presence was hovering over me at night. Wisdom and peace.
Bryan and I didn't talk really about trying again. I googled fertility after miscarriage maybe a hundred times. It wasn't that I wanted to replace the baby. I just realized how much we wanted to add to our family. Somehow I knew instinctively it would happen again soon. During this month, I grew closer to Bryan. Spiritually, I needed his strength. Our day to day lives didn't change, but I clung to him because it felt that he was the only one I knew could empathize with the sense of loss I was experiencing. The baby had been ours.
Christmas morning, I took a pregnancy test. I knew it would be positive. The tiniest, faintest line appeared. I tried to tell Bryan without really telling him...I knew that he would be angry that I had taken a test earlier than my missed period. We were trying to protect ourselves. If we didn't know, we couldn't be hurt when my "period" came. We didn't talk about it until New Year's Eve. Officially, I had missed my cycle, and the tests all showed dark lines. Cautious waiting. Rejoicing didn't quite happen.
This time, morning sickness took hold and didn't let go for 15+ weeks. There were nights where I sobbed because I truly felt like I was dying. The. worst. constant. nausea. I took unisom to sleep at night. There were days where I was throwing up trying to clean up my own vomit. Looking back, I'm not sure how we all withstood it. Bryan and his mother did my dishes, cleaned, fed the kids and generally carried me. We waited until 12 weeks, 3 days (after a dating ultrasound) to tell the kids. It wasn't until I saw my baby on the monitor that I truly believed it was real. The tiny heart beat, arms and legs, spine, everything intact, hiccuping. Me, crying and shaking on the ultrasound table from bittersweet relief.
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Friday, June 20, 2014
Monday, April 4, 2011
Audrey Eileen's Birth Story - Rewrite
Newly married and sitting in a college psych class, I doodled two names. Noah Christopher and Audrey Eileen. On December 3rd, 2008, I gave birth to my son, Noah Christopher. A long, difficult labor filled with fear and apprehension- a posterior baby, lack of labor support and a hospital environment (cold nurses, midwives changing shifts, a resident placing the epidural...) all made for a less than ideal time. I felt scared and uneasy for the duration of the stay. My son however, opened up my heart in a way that I could have never imagined. Eighteen months later, I found out I was pregnant with baby number two. As I held those two pink lines in my palm, I knew she was a little girl and I decided to have her at home. This is her story.
Audrey had been fooling us for weeks with many braxton hicks contractions and a lot of cramps... she rested low in my pelvis. Sore and tired, I prayed she would come out SOON.
Sunday, I had been feeling low cramps and braxton hicks which was nothing unusual. The cramps had changed however, and were now in my back, leading to a somewhat temporary panic about the position of the baby. I spent a lot of time leaning forward and on hands and knees to keep her anterior and not posterior.
Bryan and I (sort of) watched the Superbowl with my parents while we ate and laughed. Bryan kept looking over- expecting my water to break at any minute... surely, I'd go on Superbowl Sunday.
I said goodnight and carried my swollen belly up the stairs. I felt different but kept it to myself- partly to keep myself from getting excited but also to kind of relish the knowing without anyone else knowing.
Feeling sore and exhausted, I went to bed while attempting to convince myself that she would be a Valentine baby. Waking up to one more morning with no changes seemed unbearable.
4 am Monday morning rolled around. A strong contraction surged through my hips and back. Yes, this was definitely different. I had to r breathe through it. 10 minutes later, another. 7 minutes later, another. Nervously, I would sway into them in the bathroom, in the dark, my heart skipping beats because I knew. This was it. The surges continued this way- 7 minutes apart until 7:30 am...I went from the birthing ball to the bed to the bathroom...
I had woken up Bryan early- shoving my foot into his side...reaching around Noah... he sat up and looked incredulous. You're in labor? For real? I couldn't keep myself from grinning.
The strength of each contraction had me convinced I'd progress quickly. He cleaned the kitchen and living room and set up the birthing pool. Our excitement hung in the air in between contractions. Called the midwives to give them a heads up and said we'd call back when they gained in strength and rhythm.
Noah woke up- his blonde hair everywhere, sleepy kisses and cuddles, he had no idea his world was about to change. We went about our morning as usual- making scrambled eggs and watching cartoons ... my contractions slowed to 10-15 minutes apart. Intense but not regular. They stayed this way till well past noon. I worried it was maybe another false alarm, however, they were so intense that I knew that SOMETHING must have been happening. Noah went down for his nap and my contractions picked up again... sometimes 5 minutes apart...usually 7-9 minutes. I lost my plug...like...really, obviously, lost it. As soon as I walked out of the bathroom- there was a significant marked intensity with each surge. The daylight streaming through the curtains, I leaned into them.
Around 3:00 after Noah had woken up and eaten lunch, I decided I needed him to leave to actually get my labor to progress. I'm pretty sure his presence was slowing it down as if my body knew I couldn't take care of a toddler and give birth at the same time. My need for focus and peace intensified as the hours went by. Bryan brought him over to my mom's and sure enough my contractions ranged from 4 minutes to 8 minutes apart....still not regular but definitely closer together and strong. The afternoon is a blur in my memory as I had entered "labor land" and was not aware of the passage of time.
Rebecca (my good friend since childhood) met Noah over at my mom's and took over with him. This helped ease my mind because I knew he had two awesome people to play with. She also transitioned him back home so that Bryan didn't have to leave me. I had become tearful and sad and wanted Noah to be home. The realization that I was losing his babyhood hit me and I was flooded with thoughts of him. All I wanted to do was hold him. The sun was setting on the snow.
Things were happening faster than I realized. We were about to call the midwives to ask them to come but again my contractions spaced out when Becky and Noah came back. At about 7, we did call because the sheer intensity of each contraction was enough to make me want the midwives there.
Still not convinced I was very dilated, I told them not to rush.
Originally, I had asked Becky to stay the night so that Noah would have someone if he happened to wake up during the birth but I had an intense need to be alone. My contractions were strong enough that I felt I needed space to truly concentrate through them. When Becky left at 8, my contractions immediately picked up and thankfully, Annie (the midwives apprentice) was here shortly after.
She took my vitals and the baby's heart rate and supported me through a couple of contractions. They slowed a little and I worried that my labor would slow down if they were here. I began to feel nauseated and anxious. I thought I was in transition but I didn't want to say it just in case it was going to be another 12 hours of contractions.
I remember the feeling in the apartment...Annie and Bryan there beside me .... everything glowing from the lights and through the blue curtains I had hung to create more privacy by the birth pool. The music played and it was peaceful. My anxiety that my labor would slow down caused me to overstep my inner voice and I asked Annie if she would go home. She didn't mind returning home (since she could be back in 15 minutes) and left to do so.
About ten minutes after she left, my body began to shake uncontrollably. My contractions went from 7 minutes apart to 3 to 1 minute apart. Bryan called them as soon as he could free a hand from mine. Annie and Chenoa hadn't even had time to have a cup of tea before they left again for our home. They got here about 15 minutes later and immediately began filling the pool. I was probably at 8 or 9 cm at this point. I did not want to be checked for fear they would tell me I was at 4 or 5 cm....they didn't ask to check me. (They could tell where I was at by my contractions/body language/etc). Although my body was doing serious work, I was not scared, I focused more and prayed.
Clinging to Bryan, I breathed deeply and quickly into each contraction... Annie helped relax my shoulders and apply counter pressure as well as talk me through each one. There was always a point where the pain felt insurmountable but as soon as I relaxed the rest of my body, the contraction would start to subside. My hypnobirthing class came in handy during transistion. I kept remembering to let my breath guide the sensation down and out. I knew that each contraction could not be stronger than me, it WAS me. They were incredibly powerful but as long as I kept myself as relaxed as possible and let my body guide me through it, I could do it. They felt as if they might take over my body but if I focused on the sensation of it, it eventually went away. Vocalizing "ohhhh" through all of them helped my body do something with the energy without tensing up my muscles.
Bryan and Annie helped me into the pool as it was ready. The water made my body feel weightless and unreal. I had probably 10-15 minutes of space...I just floated. A little voice in my head said that sometimes this happens before you start pushing. Immediately, my brain overrode it and refused to believe that I could be fully dilated already.
I had two HUGE contractions... my body felt foreign. I floated there in between them just looking down at my legs thinking... wow. My water broke. Another huge contraction hit me and as I vocalized, I began to grunt...I felt her crowning. Immediately my brain panicked. I told them I wasn't ready to push. Chenoa (my midwife) and Annie both kept smiling at me and held my hands and told me, "your body is ready Sarah...you don't need to be ready, your body is already doing it".
Bryan was there by me encouraging me through each contraction. I could feel his excitement and the midwives excitement but my brain just kept fighting the pushing....I didn't feel emotionally ready. Losing my calm, I cried out to God and my mom. My other midwife, Katina and the other apprentice, Juliana showed up and sat by the pool. Katina (or someone) kept checking baby's heartbeat with the doppler. Her heartbeat reassured me.
God, give me strength.
Chenoa looked into my eyes again, and somehow I connected with the fact that she had done this before twice and I could do it too. I gained some sort of power and strength from the presence of these women just totally trusting that my body could this, that I found I was able to just release and let my body do what it was trying to do.
Another couple of contractions, I felt her crown at each one and then go back inside. I reached down and felt her head, soft and wrinkly. The next one, she crowned and kept crowning. Annie supported me so I wouldn't tear and the infamous "ring of fire" was felt...(not as bad as everyone makes it sound)..and then she just kept coming. Her head was born. I immediately lifted my bottom kind of out of shock that she was actually out and my midwives kept my hips down in the water (baby takes a breath when she hits the air, they didn't want her doing that until she was completely OUT).
Slightly hyperventilating at this point out of shock and intensity of situation, I asked if the rest of her was going to come out... (of course!) . Chenoa reminded me , "breathe, Sarah, you need to bring your oxygen to your baby!"
My next contraction birthed her body into Annie's hands and I found myself with a yelling little girl on my chest....she pinked up quickly and I just felt amazed....12:04 am
After she was born, I simply felt ...normal and elated. I felt normal and amazing. I felt great! I just birthed my baby without fear or interventions. My body did it! It was an incredible feeling.
We waited in the pool for the placenta to be born and although those contractions were painful, it was pretty easy to ignore while holding a beautiful baby girl. We did not cut the cord until well after the placenta had been born and the cord had stopped pulsating. Noah woke up from Audrey's cries and Bryan went to get him. He came downstairs and was hesitant at first but then wanted to kiss his little sister right away. The midwives took care of me and the clean up (although there wasn't much) and fed me while I nursed. Audrey nursed as soon as we got out of the pool and stayed latched for a long time. I called my mom and dad and sister and they came over to meet little Audrey for a couple of minutes. (I knew they would be up worrying anyway) .. We wondered how long it had been since this house had seen a baby born inside its walls. Bryan brought a very sleepy Noah to his bed after the midwives left around 4 am. Annie stayed an extra hour to help Bryan and I into bed and to make sure we were comfortable- and allowed us to gush more about the birth.
I woke up a couple hours later, reveling in the peaceful morning light and gazing at my new, sweet, beautiful baby. 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches. An ounce more and an inch short of her big brother's birth stats and MUCH smaller feet. :-)
God is so good.
My whole labor and birth was manageable and I felt able to truly breathe into each contraction to get through it. Compared to Noah's birth, it was a completely different experience. I think the combined fact that Audrey was faced the right way and that I was at home made this experience MUCH more manageable. I won't say "easier" because it's not really quantifiable that way. But manageable. Both of my births were beautiful but the difference with Audrey's was that I did not feel fear (until the very end) and allowed my body to do its work.
My decision to have Audrey at home was made after months of research and nights full of prayer. I knew this was the right decision for us and am incredibly happy I did not let popular opinion sway me from it. Had there been any problems, we would have gone to the hospital in an instant and would never have questioned our midwives expertise. Because of our close relationship with them, we were able to truly trust their ability and decision making for our pregnancy and birth. Because they watched over me (literally) during the birth, they felt a bit like guardian angels for me and my daughter.
I felt on top of the world after her birth and I feel so BLESSED that she is healthy and perfect in every way. I am so thankful for my midwives and for Bryan. Bryan supported me through each contraction and I truly felt 100% supported and loved the entire time. Ultimately, I give all the praise to God who sustained me and delivered into my hands a beautiful, perfect baby a second time.
Audrey's Home Water Birth from Sarah Campbell on Vimeo.
Audrey had been fooling us for weeks with many braxton hicks contractions and a lot of cramps... she rested low in my pelvis. Sore and tired, I prayed she would come out SOON.
Sunday, I had been feeling low cramps and braxton hicks which was nothing unusual. The cramps had changed however, and were now in my back, leading to a somewhat temporary panic about the position of the baby. I spent a lot of time leaning forward and on hands and knees to keep her anterior and not posterior.
Bryan and I (sort of) watched the Superbowl with my parents while we ate and laughed. Bryan kept looking over- expecting my water to break at any minute... surely, I'd go on Superbowl Sunday.
I said goodnight and carried my swollen belly up the stairs. I felt different but kept it to myself- partly to keep myself from getting excited but also to kind of relish the knowing without anyone else knowing.
Feeling sore and exhausted, I went to bed while attempting to convince myself that she would be a Valentine baby. Waking up to one more morning with no changes seemed unbearable.
4 am Monday morning rolled around. A strong contraction surged through my hips and back. Yes, this was definitely different. I had to r breathe through it. 10 minutes later, another. 7 minutes later, another. Nervously, I would sway into them in the bathroom, in the dark, my heart skipping beats because I knew. This was it. The surges continued this way- 7 minutes apart until 7:30 am...I went from the birthing ball to the bed to the bathroom...I had woken up Bryan early- shoving my foot into his side...reaching around Noah... he sat up and looked incredulous. You're in labor? For real? I couldn't keep myself from grinning.
The strength of each contraction had me convinced I'd progress quickly. He cleaned the kitchen and living room and set up the birthing pool. Our excitement hung in the air in between contractions. Called the midwives to give them a heads up and said we'd call back when they gained in strength and rhythm.
Noah woke up- his blonde hair everywhere, sleepy kisses and cuddles, he had no idea his world was about to change. We went about our morning as usual- making scrambled eggs and watching cartoons ... my contractions slowed to 10-15 minutes apart. Intense but not regular. They stayed this way till well past noon. I worried it was maybe another false alarm, however, they were so intense that I knew that SOMETHING must have been happening. Noah went down for his nap and my contractions picked up again... sometimes 5 minutes apart...usually 7-9 minutes. I lost my plug...like...really, obviously, lost it. As soon as I walked out of the bathroom- there was a significant marked intensity with each surge. The daylight streaming through the curtains, I leaned into them.
Around 3:00 after Noah had woken up and eaten lunch, I decided I needed him to leave to actually get my labor to progress. I'm pretty sure his presence was slowing it down as if my body knew I couldn't take care of a toddler and give birth at the same time. My need for focus and peace intensified as the hours went by. Bryan brought him over to my mom's and sure enough my contractions ranged from 4 minutes to 8 minutes apart....still not regular but definitely closer together and strong. The afternoon is a blur in my memory as I had entered "labor land" and was not aware of the passage of time.
Rebecca (my good friend since childhood) met Noah over at my mom's and took over with him. This helped ease my mind because I knew he had two awesome people to play with. She also transitioned him back home so that Bryan didn't have to leave me. I had become tearful and sad and wanted Noah to be home. The realization that I was losing his babyhood hit me and I was flooded with thoughts of him. All I wanted to do was hold him. The sun was setting on the snow.
Things were happening faster than I realized. We were about to call the midwives to ask them to come but again my contractions spaced out when Becky and Noah came back. At about 7, we did call because the sheer intensity of each contraction was enough to make me want the midwives there.
Still not convinced I was very dilated, I told them not to rush.
Originally, I had asked Becky to stay the night so that Noah would have someone if he happened to wake up during the birth but I had an intense need to be alone. My contractions were strong enough that I felt I needed space to truly concentrate through them. When Becky left at 8, my contractions immediately picked up and thankfully, Annie (the midwives apprentice) was here shortly after.
She took my vitals and the baby's heart rate and supported me through a couple of contractions. They slowed a little and I worried that my labor would slow down if they were here. I began to feel nauseated and anxious. I thought I was in transition but I didn't want to say it just in case it was going to be another 12 hours of contractions.
I remember the feeling in the apartment...Annie and Bryan there beside me .... everything glowing from the lights and through the blue curtains I had hung to create more privacy by the birth pool. The music played and it was peaceful. My anxiety that my labor would slow down caused me to overstep my inner voice and I asked Annie if she would go home. She didn't mind returning home (since she could be back in 15 minutes) and left to do so.
About ten minutes after she left, my body began to shake uncontrollably. My contractions went from 7 minutes apart to 3 to 1 minute apart. Bryan called them as soon as he could free a hand from mine. Annie and Chenoa hadn't even had time to have a cup of tea before they left again for our home. They got here about 15 minutes later and immediately began filling the pool. I was probably at 8 or 9 cm at this point. I did not want to be checked for fear they would tell me I was at 4 or 5 cm....they didn't ask to check me. (They could tell where I was at by my contractions/body language/etc). Although my body was doing serious work, I was not scared, I focused more and prayed.
Clinging to Bryan, I breathed deeply and quickly into each contraction... Annie helped relax my shoulders and apply counter pressure as well as talk me through each one. There was always a point where the pain felt insurmountable but as soon as I relaxed the rest of my body, the contraction would start to subside. My hypnobirthing class came in handy during transistion. I kept remembering to let my breath guide the sensation down and out. I knew that each contraction could not be stronger than me, it WAS me. They were incredibly powerful but as long as I kept myself as relaxed as possible and let my body guide me through it, I could do it. They felt as if they might take over my body but if I focused on the sensation of it, it eventually went away. Vocalizing "ohhhh" through all of them helped my body do something with the energy without tensing up my muscles.
Bryan and Annie helped me into the pool as it was ready. The water made my body feel weightless and unreal. I had probably 10-15 minutes of space...I just floated. A little voice in my head said that sometimes this happens before you start pushing. Immediately, my brain overrode it and refused to believe that I could be fully dilated already.
I had two HUGE contractions... my body felt foreign. I floated there in between them just looking down at my legs thinking... wow. My water broke. Another huge contraction hit me and as I vocalized, I began to grunt...I felt her crowning. Immediately my brain panicked. I told them I wasn't ready to push. Chenoa (my midwife) and Annie both kept smiling at me and held my hands and told me, "your body is ready Sarah...you don't need to be ready, your body is already doing it".
Bryan was there by me encouraging me through each contraction. I could feel his excitement and the midwives excitement but my brain just kept fighting the pushing....I didn't feel emotionally ready. Losing my calm, I cried out to God and my mom. My other midwife, Katina and the other apprentice, Juliana showed up and sat by the pool. Katina (or someone) kept checking baby's heartbeat with the doppler. Her heartbeat reassured me.
God, give me strength.
Chenoa looked into my eyes again, and somehow I connected with the fact that she had done this before twice and I could do it too. I gained some sort of power and strength from the presence of these women just totally trusting that my body could this, that I found I was able to just release and let my body do what it was trying to do.
Another couple of contractions, I felt her crown at each one and then go back inside. I reached down and felt her head, soft and wrinkly. The next one, she crowned and kept crowning. Annie supported me so I wouldn't tear and the infamous "ring of fire" was felt...(not as bad as everyone makes it sound)..and then she just kept coming. Her head was born. I immediately lifted my bottom kind of out of shock that she was actually out and my midwives kept my hips down in the water (baby takes a breath when she hits the air, they didn't want her doing that until she was completely OUT).
Slightly hyperventilating at this point out of shock and intensity of situation, I asked if the rest of her was going to come out... (of course!) . Chenoa reminded me , "breathe, Sarah, you need to bring your oxygen to your baby!"
My next contraction birthed her body into Annie's hands and I found myself with a yelling little girl on my chest....she pinked up quickly and I just felt amazed....12:04 am
After she was born, I simply felt ...normal and elated. I felt normal and amazing. I felt great! I just birthed my baby without fear or interventions. My body did it! It was an incredible feeling.
We waited in the pool for the placenta to be born and although those contractions were painful, it was pretty easy to ignore while holding a beautiful baby girl. We did not cut the cord until well after the placenta had been born and the cord had stopped pulsating. Noah woke up from Audrey's cries and Bryan went to get him. He came downstairs and was hesitant at first but then wanted to kiss his little sister right away. The midwives took care of me and the clean up (although there wasn't much) and fed me while I nursed. Audrey nursed as soon as we got out of the pool and stayed latched for a long time. I called my mom and dad and sister and they came over to meet little Audrey for a couple of minutes. (I knew they would be up worrying anyway) .. We wondered how long it had been since this house had seen a baby born inside its walls. Bryan brought a very sleepy Noah to his bed after the midwives left around 4 am. Annie stayed an extra hour to help Bryan and I into bed and to make sure we were comfortable- and allowed us to gush more about the birth.
I woke up a couple hours later, reveling in the peaceful morning light and gazing at my new, sweet, beautiful baby. 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches. An ounce more and an inch short of her big brother's birth stats and MUCH smaller feet. :-)
God is so good.
My whole labor and birth was manageable and I felt able to truly breathe into each contraction to get through it. Compared to Noah's birth, it was a completely different experience. I think the combined fact that Audrey was faced the right way and that I was at home made this experience MUCH more manageable. I won't say "easier" because it's not really quantifiable that way. But manageable. Both of my births were beautiful but the difference with Audrey's was that I did not feel fear (until the very end) and allowed my body to do its work.
My decision to have Audrey at home was made after months of research and nights full of prayer. I knew this was the right decision for us and am incredibly happy I did not let popular opinion sway me from it. Had there been any problems, we would have gone to the hospital in an instant and would never have questioned our midwives expertise. Because of our close relationship with them, we were able to truly trust their ability and decision making for our pregnancy and birth. Because they watched over me (literally) during the birth, they felt a bit like guardian angels for me and my daughter.
I felt on top of the world after her birth and I feel so BLESSED that she is healthy and perfect in every way. I am so thankful for my midwives and for Bryan. Bryan supported me through each contraction and I truly felt 100% supported and loved the entire time. Ultimately, I give all the praise to God who sustained me and delivered into my hands a beautiful, perfect baby a second time.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Audrey's Birth Slideshow
VIEW ON VIMEO- much easier to see than the small frame on the blog.
Created a slideshow with Audrey's birth pictures.
It's much faster paced than I would have liked but we didn't have that many pictures! :-) Pardon my amateur slide show making skills... hah!
Audrey's Home Water Birth from Sarah Campbell on Vimeo.
Also edited her birth story to include the slide show.
Created a slideshow with Audrey's birth pictures.
It's much faster paced than I would have liked but we didn't have that many pictures! :-) Pardon my amateur slide show making skills... hah!
Audrey's Home Water Birth from Sarah Campbell on Vimeo.
Also edited her birth story to include the slide show.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Landmark Study for Waterbirth
 |
| INCREDIBLE photo courtesy of The Mandala Journey |
There were five perinatal deaths among 4,032 births in water; that is a rate of 1.2 per 1,000. In the context of the United Kingdom this rate is similar for low risk deliveries that do not take place in water. Furthermore, none of these five deaths were attributable to delivery in water:
An opportunity is given to recall that the main reason for the birthing pools is to facilitate the birth process and to reduce the need for drugs and other intervention. In order to control the current epidemic of epidurals the point is to divulge a small number of simple updated recommendations in order to make the most effective use of birthing pools.
The main recommendations are based on the fact that immersion in water at the temperature of the body tends to facilitate the birth process during a limited length of time (in the region of an hour or two).
The first practical recommendation is to give great importance to the time when the laboring woman enters the pool. Experienced midwives have many tricks at their disposal to help women be patient enough so that they can ideally wait until five centimetres dilation.
The second recommendation is to avoid planning a birth under water. When a woman has planned a birth under water she may be the prisoner of her project; she is tempted to stay in the bath while the contractions are getting weaker, with the risk of long second and third stages.
At the dawn of a new phase in the history of childbirth one can anticipate that, if a small number of simple recommendations are taken into account, the use of water during labor will seriously compete with epidural anesthesia.
My own experience in the water was wonderful- helped me relax during the most difficult time of labor- transition and delivery. I entered the pool less than an hour before I gave birth as I wanted to wait as long as possible before getting in- I just didn't know how far along I was!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Audrey's Birth Story
Newly married and sitting in a college psych class, I doodled two names. Noah Christopher and Audrey Eileen. On December 3rd, 2008, I gave birth to my son, Noah Christopher. A long, difficult labor filled with fear and apprehension- a posterior baby, lack of labor support and a hospital environment (nurses I was unfamiliar with, midwives changing shifts, a resident placing the epidural...) all made for a less than ideal time. I felt scared and uneasy for the duration of the stay. My son however, opened up my heart in a way that I could have never imagined. Eighteen months later, I found out I was pregnant with baby number two. As I held those two pink lines in my palm, I knew she was a little girl and I decided to have her at home. This is her story.
Audrey had been fooling us for weeks with many braxton hicks contractions and a lot of cramps... she rested low in my pelvis. Sore and tired, I prayed she would come out SOON.
Sunday, I had been feeling low cramps and braxton hicks which was nothing unusual. The cramps had changed however, and were now in my back, leading to a somewhat temporary panic about the position of the baby. I spent a lot of time leaning forward and on hands and knees to keep her anterior and not posterior.
Bryan and I (sort of) watched the Superbowl with my parents while we ate and laughed. Bryan kept looking over- expecting my water to break at any minute... surely, I'd go on Superbowl Sunday.
I said goodnight and carried my swollen belly up the stairs. I felt different but kept it to myself- partly to keep myself from getting excited but also to kind of relish the knowing without anyone else knowing.
Feeling sore and exhausted, I went to bed while attempting to convince myself that she would be a Valentine baby. Waking up to one more morning with no changes seemed unbearable.
4 am Monday morning rolled around. A strong contraction surged through my hips and back. Yes, this was definitely different. I had to r breathe through it. 10 minutes later, another. 7 minutes later, another. Nervously, I would sway into them in the bathroom, in the dark, my heart skipping beats because I knew. This was it. The surges continued this way- 7 minutes apart until 7:30 am...I went from the birthing ball to the bed to the bathroom...
I had woken up Bryan early- shoving my foot into his side...reaching around Noah... he sat up and looked incredulous. You're in labor? For real? I couldn't keep myself from grinning.
The strength of each contraction had me convinced I'd progress quickly. He cleaned the kitchen and living room and set up the birthing pool. Our excitement hung in the air in between contractions. Called the midwives to give them a heads up and said we'd call back when they gained in strength and rhythm.
Noah woke up- his blonde hair everywhere, sleepy kisses and cuddles, he had no idea his world was about to change. We went about our morning as usual- making scrambled eggs and watching cartoons ... my contractions slowed to 10-15 minutes apart. Intense but not regular. They stayed this way till well past noon. I worried it was maybe another false alarm, however, they were so intense that I knew that SOMETHING must have been happening. Noah went down for his nap and my contractions picked up again... sometimes 5 minutes apart...usually 7-9 minutes. I lost my plug...like...really, obviously, lost it. As soon as I walked out of the bathroom- there was a significant marked intensity with each surge. The daylight streaming through the curtains, I leaned into them.
Around 3:00 after Noah had woken up and eaten lunch, I decided I needed him to leave to actually get my labor to progress. I'm pretty sure his presence was slowing it down as if my body knew I couldn't take care of a toddler and give birth at the same time. My need for focus and peace intensified as the hours went by. Bryan brought him over to my mom's and sure enough my contractions ranged from 4 minutes to 8 minutes apart....still not regular but definitely closer together and strong. The afternoon is a blur in my memory as I had entered "labor land" and was not aware of the passage of time.
Rebecca (my good friend since childhood) met Noah over at my mom's and took over with him. This helped ease my mind because I knew he had two awesome people to play with. She also transitioned him back home so that Bryan didn't have to leave me. I had become tearful and sad and wanted Noah to be home. The realization that I was losing his babyhood hit me and I was flooded with thoughts of him. All I wanted to do was hold him. The sun was setting on the snow.
Things were happening faster than I realized. We were about to call the midwives to ask them to come but again my contractions spaced out when Becky and Noah came back. At about 7, we did call because the sheer intensity of each contraction was enough to make me want the midwives there.
Still not convinced I was very dilated, I told them not to rush.
Originally, I had asked Becky to stay the night so that Noah would have someone if he happened to wake up during the birth but I had an intense need to be alone. My contractions were strong enough that I felt I needed space to truly concentrate through them. When Becky left at 8, my contractions immediately picked up and thankfully, Annie (the midwives apprentice) was here shortly after.
She took my vitals and the baby's heart rate and supported me through a couple of contractions. They slowed a little and I worried that my labor would slow down if they were here. I began to feel nauseated and anxious. I thought I was in transition but I didn't want to say it just in case it was going to be another 12 hours of contractions.
I remember the feeling in the apartment...Annie and Bryan there beside me .... everything glowing from the lights and through the blue curtains I had hung to create more privacy by the birth pool. The music played and it was peaceful. My anxiety that my labor would slow down caused me to overstep my inner voice and I asked Annie if she would go home. She didn't mind returning home (since she could be back in 15 minutes) and left to do so.
About ten minutes after she left, my body began to shake uncontrollably. My contractions went from 7 minutes apart to 3 to 1 minute apart. Bryan called them as soon as he could free a hand from mine. Annie and Chenoa hadn't even had time to have a cup of tea before they left again for our home. They got here about 15 minutes later and immediately began filling the pool. I was probably at 8 or 9 cm at this point. I did not want to be checked for fear they would tell me I was at 4 or 5 cm....they didn't ask to check me. (They could tell where I was at by my contractions/body language/etc). Although my body was doing serious work, I was not scared, I focused more and prayed.
Clinging to Bryan, I breathed deeply and quickly into each contraction... Annie helped relax my shoulders and apply counter pressure as well as talk me through each one. There was always a point where the pain felt insurmountable but as soon as I relaxed the rest of my body, the contraction would start to subside. My hypnobirthing class came in handy during transistion. I kept remembering to let my breath guide the sensation down and out. I knew that each contraction could not be stronger than me, it WAS me. They were incredibly powerful but as long as I kept myself as relaxed as possible and let my body guide me through it, I could do it. They felt as if they might take over my body but if I focused on the sensation of it, it eventually went away. Vocalizing "ohhhh" through all of them helped my body do something with the energy without tensing up my muscles.
Bryan and Annie helped me into the pool as it was ready. The water made my body feel weightless and unreal. I had probably 10-15 minutes of space...I just floated. A little voice in my head said that sometimes this happens before you start pushing. Immediately, my brain overrode it and refused to believe that I could be fully dilated already.
I had two HUGE contractions... my body felt foreign. I floated there in between them just looking down at my legs thinking... wow. My water broke. Another huge contraction hit me and as I vocalized, I began to grunt...I felt her crowning. Immediately my brain panicked. I told them I wasn't ready to push. Chenoa (my midwife) and Annie both kept smiling at me and held my hands and told me, "your body is ready Sarah...you don't need to be ready, your body is already doing it".
Bryan was there by me encouraging me through each contraction. I could feel his excitement and the midwives excitement but my brain just kept fighting the pushing....I didn't feel emotionally ready. Losing my calm, I cried out to God and my mom. My other midwife, Katina and the other apprentice, Juliana showed up and sat by the pool. Katina (or someone) kept checking baby's heartbeat with the doppler. Her heartbeat reassured me.
God, give me strength.
Chenoa looked into my eyes again, and somehow I connected with the fact that she had done this before twice and I could do it too. I gained some sort of power and strength from the presence of these women just totally trusting that my body could this, that I found I was able to just release and let my body do what it was trying to do.
Another couple of contractions, I felt her crown at each one and then go back inside. I reached down and felt her head, soft and wrinkly. The next one, she crowned and kept crowning. Annie supported me so I wouldn't tear and the infamous "ring of fire" was felt...(not as bad as everyone makes it sound)..and then she just kept coming. Her head was born. I immediately lifted my bottom kind of out of shock that she was actually out and my midwives kept my hips down in the water (baby takes a breath when she hits the air, they didn't want her doing that until she was completely OUT).
Slightly hyperventilating at this point out of shock and intensity of situation, I asked if the rest of her was going to come out... (of course!) . Chenoa reminded me , "breathe, Sarah, you need to bring your oxygen to your baby!"
My next contraction birthed her body into Annie's hands and I found myself with a yelling little girl on my chest....she pinked up quickly and I just felt amazed....12:04 am
After she was born, I simply felt ...normal and elated. I felt normal and amazing. I felt great! I just birthed my baby without fear or interventions. My body did it! It was an incredible feeling.
We waited in the pool for the placenta to be born and although those contractions were painful, it was pretty easy to ignore while holding a beautiful baby girl. We did not cut the cord until well after the placenta had been born and the cord had stopped pulsating. Noah woke up from Audrey's cries and Bryan went to get him. He came downstairs and was hesitant at first but then wanted to kiss his little sister right away. The midwives took care of me and the clean up (although there wasn't much) and fed me while I nursed. Audrey nursed as soon as we got out of the pool and stayed latched for a long time. I called my mom and dad and sister and they came over to meet little Audrey for a couple of minutes. (I knew they would be up worrying anyway) .. We wondered how long it had been since this house had seen a baby born inside its walls. Bryan brought a very sleepy Noah to his bed after the midwives left around 4 am. Annie stayed an extra hour to help Bryan and I into bed and to make sure we were comfortable- and allowed us to gush more about the birth.
I woke up a couple hours later, reveling in the peaceful morning light and gazing at my new, sweet, beautiful baby. 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches. An ounce more and an inch short of her big brother's birth stats and MUCH smaller feet. :-)
God is so good.
My whole labor and birth was manageable and I felt able to truly breathe into each contraction to get through it. Compared to Noah's birth, it was a completely different experience. I think the combined fact that Audrey was faced the right way and that I was at home made this experience MUCH more manageable. I won't say "easier" because it's not really quantifiable that way. But manageable. Both of my births were beautiful but the difference with Audrey's was that I did not feel fear (until the very end) and allowed my body to do its work.
My decision to have Audrey at home was made after months of research and nights full of prayer. I knew this was the right decision for us and am incredibly happy I did not let popular opinion sway me from it. Had there been any problems, we would have gone to the hospital in an instant and would never have questioned our midwives expertise. Because of our close relationship with them, we were able to truly trust their ability and decision making for our pregnancy and birth. Because they watched over me (literally) during the birth, they felt a bit like guardian angels for me and my daughter.
I felt on top of the world after her birth and I feel so BLESSED that she is healthy and perfect in every way. I am so thankful for my midwives and for Bryan. Bryan supported me through each contraction and I truly felt 100% supported and loved the entire time. Ultimately, I give all the praise to God who sustained me and delivered into my hands a beautiful, perfect baby a second time.
Audrey's Home Water Birth from Sarah Campbell on Vimeo.
Audrey had been fooling us for weeks with many braxton hicks contractions and a lot of cramps... she rested low in my pelvis. Sore and tired, I prayed she would come out SOON.
Sunday, I had been feeling low cramps and braxton hicks which was nothing unusual. The cramps had changed however, and were now in my back, leading to a somewhat temporary panic about the position of the baby. I spent a lot of time leaning forward and on hands and knees to keep her anterior and not posterior.
Bryan and I (sort of) watched the Superbowl with my parents while we ate and laughed. Bryan kept looking over- expecting my water to break at any minute... surely, I'd go on Superbowl Sunday.
I said goodnight and carried my swollen belly up the stairs. I felt different but kept it to myself- partly to keep myself from getting excited but also to kind of relish the knowing without anyone else knowing.
Feeling sore and exhausted, I went to bed while attempting to convince myself that she would be a Valentine baby. Waking up to one more morning with no changes seemed unbearable.
4 am Monday morning rolled around. A strong contraction surged through my hips and back. Yes, this was definitely different. I had to r breathe through it. 10 minutes later, another. 7 minutes later, another. Nervously, I would sway into them in the bathroom, in the dark, my heart skipping beats because I knew. This was it. The surges continued this way- 7 minutes apart until 7:30 am...I went from the birthing ball to the bed to the bathroom...I had woken up Bryan early- shoving my foot into his side...reaching around Noah... he sat up and looked incredulous. You're in labor? For real? I couldn't keep myself from grinning.
The strength of each contraction had me convinced I'd progress quickly. He cleaned the kitchen and living room and set up the birthing pool. Our excitement hung in the air in between contractions. Called the midwives to give them a heads up and said we'd call back when they gained in strength and rhythm.
Noah woke up- his blonde hair everywhere, sleepy kisses and cuddles, he had no idea his world was about to change. We went about our morning as usual- making scrambled eggs and watching cartoons ... my contractions slowed to 10-15 minutes apart. Intense but not regular. They stayed this way till well past noon. I worried it was maybe another false alarm, however, they were so intense that I knew that SOMETHING must have been happening. Noah went down for his nap and my contractions picked up again... sometimes 5 minutes apart...usually 7-9 minutes. I lost my plug...like...really, obviously, lost it. As soon as I walked out of the bathroom- there was a significant marked intensity with each surge. The daylight streaming through the curtains, I leaned into them.
Around 3:00 after Noah had woken up and eaten lunch, I decided I needed him to leave to actually get my labor to progress. I'm pretty sure his presence was slowing it down as if my body knew I couldn't take care of a toddler and give birth at the same time. My need for focus and peace intensified as the hours went by. Bryan brought him over to my mom's and sure enough my contractions ranged from 4 minutes to 8 minutes apart....still not regular but definitely closer together and strong. The afternoon is a blur in my memory as I had entered "labor land" and was not aware of the passage of time.
Rebecca (my good friend since childhood) met Noah over at my mom's and took over with him. This helped ease my mind because I knew he had two awesome people to play with. She also transitioned him back home so that Bryan didn't have to leave me. I had become tearful and sad and wanted Noah to be home. The realization that I was losing his babyhood hit me and I was flooded with thoughts of him. All I wanted to do was hold him. The sun was setting on the snow.
Things were happening faster than I realized. We were about to call the midwives to ask them to come but again my contractions spaced out when Becky and Noah came back. At about 7, we did call because the sheer intensity of each contraction was enough to make me want the midwives there.
Still not convinced I was very dilated, I told them not to rush.
Originally, I had asked Becky to stay the night so that Noah would have someone if he happened to wake up during the birth but I had an intense need to be alone. My contractions were strong enough that I felt I needed space to truly concentrate through them. When Becky left at 8, my contractions immediately picked up and thankfully, Annie (the midwives apprentice) was here shortly after.
She took my vitals and the baby's heart rate and supported me through a couple of contractions. They slowed a little and I worried that my labor would slow down if they were here. I began to feel nauseated and anxious. I thought I was in transition but I didn't want to say it just in case it was going to be another 12 hours of contractions.
I remember the feeling in the apartment...Annie and Bryan there beside me .... everything glowing from the lights and through the blue curtains I had hung to create more privacy by the birth pool. The music played and it was peaceful. My anxiety that my labor would slow down caused me to overstep my inner voice and I asked Annie if she would go home. She didn't mind returning home (since she could be back in 15 minutes) and left to do so.
About ten minutes after she left, my body began to shake uncontrollably. My contractions went from 7 minutes apart to 3 to 1 minute apart. Bryan called them as soon as he could free a hand from mine. Annie and Chenoa hadn't even had time to have a cup of tea before they left again for our home. They got here about 15 minutes later and immediately began filling the pool. I was probably at 8 or 9 cm at this point. I did not want to be checked for fear they would tell me I was at 4 or 5 cm....they didn't ask to check me. (They could tell where I was at by my contractions/body language/etc). Although my body was doing serious work, I was not scared, I focused more and prayed.
Clinging to Bryan, I breathed deeply and quickly into each contraction... Annie helped relax my shoulders and apply counter pressure as well as talk me through each one. There was always a point where the pain felt insurmountable but as soon as I relaxed the rest of my body, the contraction would start to subside. My hypnobirthing class came in handy during transistion. I kept remembering to let my breath guide the sensation down and out. I knew that each contraction could not be stronger than me, it WAS me. They were incredibly powerful but as long as I kept myself as relaxed as possible and let my body guide me through it, I could do it. They felt as if they might take over my body but if I focused on the sensation of it, it eventually went away. Vocalizing "ohhhh" through all of them helped my body do something with the energy without tensing up my muscles.
Bryan and Annie helped me into the pool as it was ready. The water made my body feel weightless and unreal. I had probably 10-15 minutes of space...I just floated. A little voice in my head said that sometimes this happens before you start pushing. Immediately, my brain overrode it and refused to believe that I could be fully dilated already.
I had two HUGE contractions... my body felt foreign. I floated there in between them just looking down at my legs thinking... wow. My water broke. Another huge contraction hit me and as I vocalized, I began to grunt...I felt her crowning. Immediately my brain panicked. I told them I wasn't ready to push. Chenoa (my midwife) and Annie both kept smiling at me and held my hands and told me, "your body is ready Sarah...you don't need to be ready, your body is already doing it".
Bryan was there by me encouraging me through each contraction. I could feel his excitement and the midwives excitement but my brain just kept fighting the pushing....I didn't feel emotionally ready. Losing my calm, I cried out to God and my mom. My other midwife, Katina and the other apprentice, Juliana showed up and sat by the pool. Katina (or someone) kept checking baby's heartbeat with the doppler. Her heartbeat reassured me.
God, give me strength.
Chenoa looked into my eyes again, and somehow I connected with the fact that she had done this before twice and I could do it too. I gained some sort of power and strength from the presence of these women just totally trusting that my body could this, that I found I was able to just release and let my body do what it was trying to do.
Another couple of contractions, I felt her crown at each one and then go back inside. I reached down and felt her head, soft and wrinkly. The next one, she crowned and kept crowning. Annie supported me so I wouldn't tear and the infamous "ring of fire" was felt...(not as bad as everyone makes it sound)..and then she just kept coming. Her head was born. I immediately lifted my bottom kind of out of shock that she was actually out and my midwives kept my hips down in the water (baby takes a breath when she hits the air, they didn't want her doing that until she was completely OUT).
Slightly hyperventilating at this point out of shock and intensity of situation, I asked if the rest of her was going to come out... (of course!) . Chenoa reminded me , "breathe, Sarah, you need to bring your oxygen to your baby!"
My next contraction birthed her body into Annie's hands and I found myself with a yelling little girl on my chest....she pinked up quickly and I just felt amazed....12:04 am
After she was born, I simply felt ...normal and elated. I felt normal and amazing. I felt great! I just birthed my baby without fear or interventions. My body did it! It was an incredible feeling.
We waited in the pool for the placenta to be born and although those contractions were painful, it was pretty easy to ignore while holding a beautiful baby girl. We did not cut the cord until well after the placenta had been born and the cord had stopped pulsating. Noah woke up from Audrey's cries and Bryan went to get him. He came downstairs and was hesitant at first but then wanted to kiss his little sister right away. The midwives took care of me and the clean up (although there wasn't much) and fed me while I nursed. Audrey nursed as soon as we got out of the pool and stayed latched for a long time. I called my mom and dad and sister and they came over to meet little Audrey for a couple of minutes. (I knew they would be up worrying anyway) .. We wondered how long it had been since this house had seen a baby born inside its walls. Bryan brought a very sleepy Noah to his bed after the midwives left around 4 am. Annie stayed an extra hour to help Bryan and I into bed and to make sure we were comfortable- and allowed us to gush more about the birth.
I woke up a couple hours later, reveling in the peaceful morning light and gazing at my new, sweet, beautiful baby. 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches. An ounce more and an inch short of her big brother's birth stats and MUCH smaller feet. :-)
God is so good.
My whole labor and birth was manageable and I felt able to truly breathe into each contraction to get through it. Compared to Noah's birth, it was a completely different experience. I think the combined fact that Audrey was faced the right way and that I was at home made this experience MUCH more manageable. I won't say "easier" because it's not really quantifiable that way. But manageable. Both of my births were beautiful but the difference with Audrey's was that I did not feel fear (until the very end) and allowed my body to do its work.
My decision to have Audrey at home was made after months of research and nights full of prayer. I knew this was the right decision for us and am incredibly happy I did not let popular opinion sway me from it. Had there been any problems, we would have gone to the hospital in an instant and would never have questioned our midwives expertise. Because of our close relationship with them, we were able to truly trust their ability and decision making for our pregnancy and birth. Because they watched over me (literally) during the birth, they felt a bit like guardian angels for me and my daughter.
I felt on top of the world after her birth and I feel so BLESSED that she is healthy and perfect in every way. I am so thankful for my midwives and for Bryan. Bryan supported me through each contraction and I truly felt 100% supported and loved the entire time. Ultimately, I give all the praise to God who sustained me and delivered into my hands a beautiful, perfect baby a second time.
Audrey's Home Water Birth from Sarah Campbell on Vimeo.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
39 Weeks
Oh lovely girl of mine. You are making me wait ... and it's difficult.
My days are filled with constant braxton hicks contractions whenever I'm moving at all. The past few nights have been crampy, contraction filled but always I'm able to fall back asleep.
I've lost my plug (this morning!) and am very crampy... she's extremely low and I think she is ready to come out... just seems to be taking her time.
Trying to look at every day as a blessing and not something to be dreaded but I just feel like there is this huge white empty space waiting to be filled with baby. Noah and I have been going outside a lot and I've been trying to focus on time with him since pretty soon I won't be able to devote 100% of my time to him.
If I weren't so crampy and having so many false contractions, I wouldn't be so concerned about needing to wait longer but the physical discomfort has me constantly wondering... is this it?!
Praying has been helping a lot. At night when I'm super uncomfortable and agitated, I've just been trying to focus on praying or hymns... recently, Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow has been stuck in my head and I'm hoping this will be a good anchor for me during labor as well.
Soon, soon!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I always cry.
Birth story of the week over at Marvelous Kiddo.
I always cry. Home birth, hospital birth, c-section, natural.... I always cry.
I can't wait to have my baby.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Doula Training in Burlington
 | ||
Just an FYI!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas Eve!
Mmm. What a better way to start the day by sleeping in for an extra hour, having your hubby take your baby sledding, drinking coffee, and starting a blog post in the peace and quiet that is a house filled with washing machines running.
There isn't. :-)
Wonderful news. Everything is all set for the birth financially. Our HSA will be able to cover any extra costs incurred and we don't have to worry anymore about the possibility of paying out of pocket. I'm now free to focus on preparing for the birth and getting all the supplies together.
I ordered the birthing pool last night and after MUCH debate over the La Bassine, Aquaborn, and BPIAB (birth pool in a box), I decided to go with the simplest option, the La Bassine. The Aquaborn is deeper and comes with a lid, but it also takes longer to fill and was going to be $40 more in the end AND it's a bright green color and I sorta envisioned a blue pool. I want to feel calm and centered and I think the lime green color would be distracting. The BPIAB has a lot of great features but in the end, just too expensive right now. The La Bassine has been proven over and over through many births, reliable, quick to inflate and fill and a beautiful blue oval shape with see through walls which I found really nice.
I'm so excited!!! I am really in baby la la land right now and can't WAIT for this baby to be here. Our first home visit is the first week in January and that's really solidifying the whole thing for me. It's happening. We're going to have another little baby. I'm just over the moon right now and can't wait to meet her. Second pregnancies are really more fun because you know ahead of time how incredibly in love you are going to be with your baby. With Noah, it bowled me over. I had NO idea the fierce instinctual feeling of love and protection a mother feels. I had no idea that your whole body physiologically changes... its like your nerves become alive and you can suddenly SEE and FEEL everything.
Mothering is such a privilege. I am so thankful that I've been allowed the chance to experience it.
Have a wonderful Christmas Eve!
There isn't. :-)
Wonderful news. Everything is all set for the birth financially. Our HSA will be able to cover any extra costs incurred and we don't have to worry anymore about the possibility of paying out of pocket. I'm now free to focus on preparing for the birth and getting all the supplies together.
I ordered the birthing pool last night and after MUCH debate over the La Bassine, Aquaborn, and BPIAB (birth pool in a box), I decided to go with the simplest option, the La Bassine. The Aquaborn is deeper and comes with a lid, but it also takes longer to fill and was going to be $40 more in the end AND it's a bright green color and I sorta envisioned a blue pool. I want to feel calm and centered and I think the lime green color would be distracting. The BPIAB has a lot of great features but in the end, just too expensive right now. The La Bassine has been proven over and over through many births, reliable, quick to inflate and fill and a beautiful blue oval shape with see through walls which I found really nice. I'm so excited!!! I am really in baby la la land right now and can't WAIT for this baby to be here. Our first home visit is the first week in January and that's really solidifying the whole thing for me. It's happening. We're going to have another little baby. I'm just over the moon right now and can't wait to meet her. Second pregnancies are really more fun because you know ahead of time how incredibly in love you are going to be with your baby. With Noah, it bowled me over. I had NO idea the fierce instinctual feeling of love and protection a mother feels. I had no idea that your whole body physiologically changes... its like your nerves become alive and you can suddenly SEE and FEEL everything.
Mothering is such a privilege. I am so thankful that I've been allowed the chance to experience it.
Have a wonderful Christmas Eve!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
32 weeks
32 weeks... 1 day. in my 33rd week. It's a little frightening. I only have less than 8 weeks till this baby gets here.
I'm going to have TWO children.
TWO.
2.
two.
Wow.
Feeling anxious about the birth... not really because of the actual birth but because of spotty weird insurance coverage issues that go along with having a home birth. Some (okay... I'm not sure which ones) insurances are GREAT at covering homebirth and there is no issue. Others, not so much. Blue Cross Blue Shield only covers CNM's and not CPM's. Medicaid covers part of the birth. I'm hoping that BCBS may cover more of ours because we are having our birth with a preferred provider in their network (she's a doctor as well). I may be able to argue that case since she is acting within her license as an ND with a midwifery provision.
Either way, I'm hoping things work out. (understatement)
This little girl is very active and it seems like 11:30 pm is her favorite time of night.... maybe I have a night owl on my hands... JUST what I need.
Noah is getting so excited for his baby sister... he is always talking to and holding my belly. It's so sweet. It started snowing the other day and he started yelling " baby audrey!! baby audrey!! snow! out!! out!"... because we told him that baby Audrey would be here when the snow was... oops... we meant in February. He doesn't understand why she can't come out now but we just tell him she's got some growing to do.
Looking forward to meeting my little girl........
I'm going to have TWO children.
TWO.
2.
two.
Wow.
Feeling anxious about the birth... not really because of the actual birth but because of spotty weird insurance coverage issues that go along with having a home birth. Some (okay... I'm not sure which ones) insurances are GREAT at covering homebirth and there is no issue. Others, not so much. Blue Cross Blue Shield only covers CNM's and not CPM's. Medicaid covers part of the birth. I'm hoping that BCBS may cover more of ours because we are having our birth with a preferred provider in their network (she's a doctor as well). I may be able to argue that case since she is acting within her license as an ND with a midwifery provision.
Either way, I'm hoping things work out. (understatement)
This little girl is very active and it seems like 11:30 pm is her favorite time of night.... maybe I have a night owl on my hands... JUST what I need.
Noah is getting so excited for his baby sister... he is always talking to and holding my belly. It's so sweet. It started snowing the other day and he started yelling " baby audrey!! baby audrey!! snow! out!! out!"... because we told him that baby Audrey would be here when the snow was... oops... we meant in February. He doesn't understand why she can't come out now but we just tell him she's got some growing to do.
Looking forward to meeting my little girl........
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Must watch for Every Woman
The Business of Being Born trailer from mickinfc on Vimeo.
I just re-watched "The Business of Being Born" recently and was just struck again with how important this film is in creating awareness in the United States about the abnormality of our system of birth. "System" and "Birth" shouldn't even be in the same sentence...but they are.
This is a must watch film for anyone interested in childbirth, pregnancy, mothering or the state of women's rights in the United States (and beyond).
You can rent the full length film online at
http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Posterior Birth
I stumbled upon an article by a midwife talking about posterior birth position and its effects on labor and delivery and WOW, I am SO validated right now.
Noah was delivered in the posterior position and seriously, the labor was exactly how she describes it in this article. Long, long...at first irregular painful contractions, horrible back pain, 3+ hours of pushing....
I thought I was just being a wimp!
Check it out..
Noah was delivered in the posterior position and seriously, the labor was exactly how she describes it in this article. Long, long...at first irregular painful contractions, horrible back pain, 3+ hours of pushing....
I thought I was just being a wimp!
Check it out..
Sunday, April 11, 2010
All or Nothing Motherhood
All or nothing thinking is what a lot of teenagers subscribe to. "If I can't go to the prom with Jimmy, I WILL die!". It's also what a lot of mothers subscribe to. "My house is a DISASTER, NO ONE is allowed to step though this door!" or... "If I can't have a unmedicated home birth, my whole birth experience will be ruined!" or... "If my child doesn't have straight A's and get into harvard, I've failed as a mother!".
Okay some of those are a little insane. But that's just it. We expect SO much of ourselves and if our children or parenting experiences don't live up to what we think life SHOULD be like, we become guilty and depressed and self-pitying. OR we don't trust ourselves enough to change something that could be changed the second time around.
For instance, I really wanted a drug-free birth. I did my research, I even listened to hypnobirthing cd's (albeit, I fell asleep after 5 minutes EVERY time). When it came down to it, I thought I was prepared to handle whatever came my way. I had a very long labor with all my contractions in my back. I didn't even OPEN my hospital bag. I sat in the tub in the hospital and just tried to deal. When I got to 8 cm after 24 hours....I was obviously going through transistion and the pain just became so unbearable. Someone mentioned medication and I was like...SIGN ME UP. I hit my wall.....I didn't think I could do it anymore. I got the epidural and things were pretty easy after that. The epi did fall out after awhile (even though the nurse who was TRIPPING over my IV and epidural cord said it wasn't). So I did feel a lot of pain after 3.5 hours of pushing. but in the end, I had a HEALTHY wonderful baby boy.
My regrets....1. birthing in a place where I felt scared. I didn't feel comfortable there. I was frightened and annoyed because I couldn't have a birthing tub. The water helped me soo much and I think having a tub would have helped me through the transistion phase.
2. just letting the nurses take over after birth. they took Noah the second night to sleep in the nursery because I was so tired but I WANTED him with me...I woke up constantly in a panic because I didn't have him near me.
3. having too many people in the delivery room. Now that I look back , I should have had just me and Bryan. Having to worry about what other people were thinking/feeling just wasn't good.
4. not trusting my body. I got the epidural because I didn't think I could do it. I was afraid and tired.
Now, I beat myself up about this for a while and now have come to terms with it and I'm fine. BUT because I value natural birth and labor as a beautiful birth process, next time, I STILL want to try to have an unmedicated birth. I could be like, " I will ONLY get the epidural now....what would I have done without it?! ".
But because I don't want to subscribe to this type of thinking where it's all or nothing...or "well, that's what happened that time, surely it will happen again"... I'm going to still attempt what I feel would be a very rewarding birth experience.
At the same time, I now know that if things DON'T go as planned, THAT'S OKAY. It's give and take. We do our best for our children.
The same goes for breastfeeding. or cosleeping. or whatever else you want to analyze. If you don't even TRY to do what you think is best for your baby because you are afraid to fail, you are shortchanging yourself and your child. At the same time, if you've been doing something that you thought was best and it turns out that it just NOT working for your family, then change it! As long as your child is healthy and you are healthy/happy, things will be okay.
I think weighing our decisions based on the "what best for baby" basket and the "whats best for mommy" basket is a good way to look at things. There is also a chart that PhD in Parenting put together which illustrates this point beautifully about how to balance your childs needs versus your own.
See below. Click to enlarge.
If your need to hang out with your friends is coming before your baby's need for sleep or nursing , that's a problem. If your baby's need to go to a play group is being put over YOUR need for sleep or eating....that's also a problem.
In conclusion, motherhood is NOT all or nothing and neither is life. You do the best you can. It's up to you to educate yourself and know the facts when you become a parent. If you are making decisions without learning about WHY or just doing things because "that's how so and so did it", that's not responsible.
We must do the best we can while utilizing all the resources available to us.
Okay some of those are a little insane. But that's just it. We expect SO much of ourselves and if our children or parenting experiences don't live up to what we think life SHOULD be like, we become guilty and depressed and self-pitying. OR we don't trust ourselves enough to change something that could be changed the second time around.
For instance, I really wanted a drug-free birth. I did my research, I even listened to hypnobirthing cd's (albeit, I fell asleep after 5 minutes EVERY time). When it came down to it, I thought I was prepared to handle whatever came my way. I had a very long labor with all my contractions in my back. I didn't even OPEN my hospital bag. I sat in the tub in the hospital and just tried to deal. When I got to 8 cm after 24 hours....I was obviously going through transistion and the pain just became so unbearable. Someone mentioned medication and I was like...SIGN ME UP. I hit my wall.....I didn't think I could do it anymore. I got the epidural and things were pretty easy after that. The epi did fall out after awhile (even though the nurse who was TRIPPING over my IV and epidural cord said it wasn't). So I did feel a lot of pain after 3.5 hours of pushing. but in the end, I had a HEALTHY wonderful baby boy.
My regrets....1. birthing in a place where I felt scared. I didn't feel comfortable there. I was frightened and annoyed because I couldn't have a birthing tub. The water helped me soo much and I think having a tub would have helped me through the transistion phase.
2. just letting the nurses take over after birth. they took Noah the second night to sleep in the nursery because I was so tired but I WANTED him with me...I woke up constantly in a panic because I didn't have him near me.
3. having too many people in the delivery room. Now that I look back , I should have had just me and Bryan. Having to worry about what other people were thinking/feeling just wasn't good.
4. not trusting my body. I got the epidural because I didn't think I could do it. I was afraid and tired.
Now, I beat myself up about this for a while and now have come to terms with it and I'm fine. BUT because I value natural birth and labor as a beautiful birth process, next time, I STILL want to try to have an unmedicated birth. I could be like, " I will ONLY get the epidural now....what would I have done without it?! ".
But because I don't want to subscribe to this type of thinking where it's all or nothing...or "well, that's what happened that time, surely it will happen again"... I'm going to still attempt what I feel would be a very rewarding birth experience.
At the same time, I now know that if things DON'T go as planned, THAT'S OKAY. It's give and take. We do our best for our children.
The same goes for breastfeeding. or cosleeping. or whatever else you want to analyze. If you don't even TRY to do what you think is best for your baby because you are afraid to fail, you are shortchanging yourself and your child. At the same time, if you've been doing something that you thought was best and it turns out that it just NOT working for your family, then change it! As long as your child is healthy and you are healthy/happy, things will be okay.
I think weighing our decisions based on the "what best for baby" basket and the "whats best for mommy" basket is a good way to look at things. There is also a chart that PhD in Parenting put together which illustrates this point beautifully about how to balance your childs needs versus your own.
See below. Click to enlarge.
If your need to hang out with your friends is coming before your baby's need for sleep or nursing , that's a problem. If your baby's need to go to a play group is being put over YOUR need for sleep or eating....that's also a problem.
In conclusion, motherhood is NOT all or nothing and neither is life. You do the best you can. It's up to you to educate yourself and know the facts when you become a parent. If you are making decisions without learning about WHY or just doing things because "that's how so and so did it", that's not responsible.
We must do the best we can while utilizing all the resources available to us.
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